Most of the anxious high-achievers I work with are more anxious than they need to be and less high-achieving than they could be because they’re stuck in the straight-A mindset.
In school, it’s possible to be a straight-A student if you’re reasonably intelligent with a decent work ethic. But in life, no matter how smart and hard working you are, straight As are impossible. If you try to get an A on everything you’ll end up with Cs on most things and probably a few Ds and Fs along the way.
The solution, which will rattle every perfectionistic bone in your already stressed out body, is to be willing to get Bs on most things so that you can get As on the things that matter most.
- Can you accept a B- as a PTA volunteer in order to spend more quality time with your kids?
- Can you accept being a B+ email and Slack user so you can carve out consistent time for uninterrupted creative work?
- Can you accept a B-level relationship with your mother so you have more energy for your spouse?
- Can you accept a B on the tidiness of your home in order to be more present with the people who live there?
- Can you accept getting B-level performance as a golfer in order to have more time to exercise?
Maybe you are secretly a superhero who can be excellent at everything if you just try harder. But if you’re sick of putting in A+ effort on everything with only decidedly non-exceptional results and a whole lot of stress to show for it, you probably need to learn how to be a B student.
Homework
Make a list of every activity or relationship in your life where your ambition is to be excellent. Then ask yourself the following deliberately difficult questions:
- If you could only pick three to be worthy of A-level investment, which would you pick?
- If you had to drop three of them—that’s right, these are things you will completely give up on—which would you choose?
- For the remaining items on your list, what’s one thing your could stop doing (or stop aspiring to do) in order to settle into B-level performance?
Ambition means having the courage to be average in most things so you can be exceptional in the few things that matter most.
Learn More
If you enjoyed this essay, here are a few more from me that might be helpful:
- Maybe You Are an Imposter?
- Agency Blockers: 3 Limiting Beliefs Keeping You Stuck
- How to Clarify Your Values
Work with Me
If you’re interested in working with me directly, I run a bi-annual emotional resilience masterclass called Mood Mastery. I also have a small private coaching practice for 1:1 work.
